Some of you may of known me before Him or maybe you know a little of my story. If not just know that I was a mess, even if it looked like I had it together at times, the inside was ugly. I was a lost soul. As a child I struggled with anxiety and hopelessness. I actually cut my wrists in the middle of class in 7^th grade. Life was just too much for me! In 8^th grade I started a new school and started smoking cigarettes and drinking. Before High school I had already tried a few drugs and I spent some of my freshman and maybe junior year in rehab. That year I had summer school to make up for the many classes I intentionally failed. I don’t remember much but I do remember wondering how I made it to school every morning after such a crazy night of partying.  The rest of high school I spent mastering functioning at school and work while partying. Most of my senior year I lived in my car and here and there and anywhere. The only reason I even graduated was because of my 3 classes I had all A’s and my teachers liked me so they excused 20+ unexcused absents so I could graduate. In my late teens and early 20’s I spent most of the time at the bars and trying to fill a hole inside me.

I didn’t start looking for Him until well after I became a mom and it took some time for Him to soften my heart. Why? Because I thought He was a judgmental mean rule maker in the sky that was out to make me feel guilty and ruin all the fun in the world. Even after seeing people that seemed to live differently and have it all together. When I finally realized I was loved by this God I never had gotten the time to know. And I saw I couldn’t do it on my own I got baptized and decided that life with Him is better. It felt so right but I still had no idea what that meant. I still struggled through my days but slowly I started to talk to Him, well at first it sounded a lot more like yelling and complaining. Then after awhile I listened a little and started reading His Word. The more time I spent with Him the more life started to make sense. It didn’t happen overnight but slowly I began to lean on Him and I started noticing my my life changing. I began to feel His love and His presence. It’s funny because I remember 10+ years ago praying that I had 4-5 kids and lived in a house with a big front porch, that was before I was baptized and not even sure I believed. In my mind a front porch for some reason signified a warm welcoming, a secure home with a loving family. The reason I have this life is because of Him. The reason I can do what I do and be who I am is all Him! Now don’t get me wrong my life is far from perfect. I don’t always have it all together!  He is still shaving off my rough spots and probably always will be but I could of never even dreamed this life up for myself. When you give it all to God you ask Him to bring you from point A to point B and he brings you to C. A place better than you could of ever imagined.  And I have Him to thank for it all. I wouldn’t be who I am today without Jesus and the closer I am to Him the more peace there is in my soul. Years ago I would of thought that sounded stupid, except there was a little part of me that wondered what does Peace in your Soul feel like? Talk to Him and you’ll find out 😉