When I look back at my life it is so surreal to me now, most of it feels like I’m talking about someone I knew a long time ago or a lifetime ago. It just feels so far away, I no longer feel emotionally attached or burdened by it. For a longtime I felt broken and I think the only thing that held me together was my habits and crutches. Half the time I was mad at God for my life and the other half of the time I didn’t believe he existed.

I had heard about God’s healing grace but I never thought much of it, it kinda sounded like a cliché or something people just say.  At the time I didn’t know it but as I look back at my journey I see the correlation between the time I finally opened my heart to Jesus and when the pieces of my brokenness began to heal and he started to transform me into the person he has designed me to be.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

I used to think that would be a boring person who follows all the rules and feels guilty about everything.

But what God wants for my life is really greater than anything I could have ever imagined.

And while I still have a long way to go I can honestly say I have a sense of peace and contentment that I never knew without him. I’m starting to feel freedom from the guilt that used to tear me down. I feel an excitement and boldness within me to follow him, show others his Love and to make a difference in his name. I look at my life here with all the blessings and hardships and I am overfilled with gratefulness.  I still have bad days and if I have been far from Him the day doesn’t look pretty. I may raise my voice, get upset about the little things or just feel defeated. But if I have prayed and spent time reading his word, there is an unshakable Joy that gets me through the day. Through him I am able to Love more and give Grace more and have Peace.

Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength”

I can’t imagine my life without Jesus as my Lord and Savior!

Do you remember when I started a blog??? Yea… me neither, I had to look back on my Facebook posts just to remember the name of it. Has it really been over a year!?! I keep thinking about this blog and putting it off, what is it about being vulnerable that makes it soo easy to find excuses?

Anyway, today marks 2 years since the twins were born! It has been a busy two years we’ve moved out to the country, moved my Grandma in with us and started Kidz On Mission. Aside from the chaos and exhaustion of our new life we have so much to be celebrate.

The twins are our Rainbow babies, my sweet little blessings. Before I got pregnant with them we lost a baby. The day I won’t ever forget. We went into our appt. excited to find out the gender and instead they found a rare abnormality and told us our baby was at the end stages of heart failure, that night I felt the baby move for the first time. The next few weeks were a blur, I was so heartbroken but more than ever I felt God’s presence and comfort, I couldn’t explain it but I just knew everything was going to be ok. I trusted God was still in control, he didn’t take my baby and he would use this for my good.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

About a year later we found out we were having twins, to say we were shocked is an understatement. They don’t run in our family, and with one ovary I’m lucky to even get pregnant let alone with two babies. Still I was a little afraid to get excited after going through 2 miscarriages and it didn’t help that the Doctors treat multiples as high risk. But 38 weeks later out came two healthy baby boys. There has been some rough times but everyday I am so blessed to have these two smiling faces follow me around all day. So Happy Birthday to my handsome, loving little guys that make me smile and laugh all day! I know you are a gift from God and you have healed my heart.