Throughout my life I have craved something, chased something. It was always different. it was a successful career, a good marriage, being a good mom, being organized, having a healthy lifestyle. At times it consumes me. In the past I could see this craving in the form of different addictions. One addiction that really had a hold on me was cigarettes.

I started smoking around 12 years old. My parents smoked, my friends smoked. It was the “cool” and grown up thing to do I thought. (Even though a few years prior I remember hiding my parents cigarettes to try and make them quit, so naïve) Anyways, I think I first tried to quit around 17 yeas old. I was hooked! Even after quitting during pregnancies I still ended up starting again. Smoking was like my best friend, the one thing that had always been there for me when no one else was. When I became a mom smoking made me feel even more guilty, I was a total closet smoker, I didn’t like smoking in front of people that didn’t smoke and I hid it from most people. I went to some ridiculously great lengths to smoke without people knowing. Including my kids, I still don’t know how I managed to smoke a pack a day without my kids seeing me. I tried quitting so many times I lost count. I used the patch, the gum, hypnosis, acculaser, prescriptions, apps, books. I was a professional quitter! Every time I tried I was angry and anxious, I cried, I yelled, I was a mess! At one point I was so depressed and ashamed as a closet smoker it really started to hinder my life. Smoking was my number one it came before my family and God. It stopped me from doing things, because if I go there how will I smoke?  I didn’t know how to stop.

I happened to come across this bible verse.

Mark 11:24  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours

Shortly before this I remember thinking that I wasn’t entirely sure how true the bible was I mean it’s nice but how much is actually legit or is it just some nice stories? Is it really God’s word or just written by some people a long time ago? I really wanted to believe but logically I couldn’t swing it in my head. God somehow always knows when his children are questioning him, I “just happen” to come across this sermon…Top Ten Reasons We Know the New Testament is True So with a new outlook on the bible (that I had barely read.) I thought ok, well it sounds like God wants what’s best for us and I’ve tried everything else so why not? So without any patch or gum I prayed and did all I could to believe. God, I cannot do this! Only you can do this, please help me!

This was the first I ever quit permanently and with a smile and excitement, it’s been 3 years. I haven’t missed it for a day. I finally felt free and it was the most amazing feeling! Now when life gets hard I go to him and while he doesn’t always take away the pain I can feel peace in the midst of the chaos.